So we've taken the plunge, booked in and had our first appointment with a fertility specialist - Angela Hywood - coming from a recommendation from a good friend of mine.
It's funny how the mind works when going into the unknown. When I'm feeling unsure about something, and not conscious of it, I tend to make up stories in my head to add to the drama and almost justify to myself why I'm feeling so uneasy about what's ahead. In this case, I turned my uneasiness to Dylan, thinking that I'd get push back from him about it being too early to see her, so he wouldn't take her recommendations seriously.
Boy was I wrong. He attended the call and playing his part in doing the testing to see how fertile we actually are. He's even reading all the amazing literature we've been given and saying things like 'Is your skincare non toxic?' 'Perhaps we shouldn't be taking any flights anywhere right now?'. We also had to fill in the biggest form in history, it was fun to fill it in together, it got so personal in parts and we found out all these little details about ourselves that we wouldn't otherwise have known.
So the biggest takeaway, for me in this process...
Don't create unnecessary drama to mask my own insecurities.
Instead, remind myself that this is a really old pattern of behaviour that I can change. I now choose to reframe the way I think of this very first process in our fertility journey:
- It's Exciting. Bringing us closer together toward something that's almost a miracle when you really think about it
- Taking proactive steps, regardless of how long we have been trying is a wise idea - no harm in getting more answers
- This is his journey as well as mine. Keeping up the inclusiveness and communication, will set us up for success as parents (and our relationship) in the future.
Who else out there is trying for a baby?
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